Dazed World

1/18/12 honestly im lost in my own world. I care so much… does that even matter… idk honestly and im not sure what to really write about.. im going to bed. 1/17/12 first day back to school. New semester. New year. Newish relationship :) I woke up today and felt amazing and fresh I couldn’t be any happier… today is going to be the best day ever or something good is going to happen I know it 1/13/12 good morning its my official first day back in denton. It is very quite and last night I got to see Alexis :) that was nice.. but without having alex here or even ryan I feel like pieces are missing from me. I don’t know how I will ever fill this whole without my bestfriend here :/ totally sucks… I think im gonna be lazy and lay in bed all day till I gotta go to work.. hmm okay :) 1/10/12 semi good day today.. its still kinda raining I made some money working but my mom just went pyscho today probably because my dad was going to go out of town and he’s not now grrrr… any who im just chillin in bed hoping I get to see Ryan soon ohhhh I almost forgot I bought tickets for Showtek today wooohoooo then end. 1/9/12 its been raining all day :/ I don’t like thunderstorms rain is okay I guess.. I don’t have much to talk about things are good… ryan & I are good… life is good… that’s really all I have to say today.. im not looking forward going back to school though that’s for sure :/ 1/4/12 ryan is so complicated and I will never understand him in any way the more he pushes me away by being himself because that’s what he does makes me want him that much more I care for him so much and I honestly think im falling for him its been four months and every time im with him I feel like this is where I need to be.. we have our ups and downs and turneytop (: moments but I mean we have gotten this far right? For the first time over this break he called me his girlfriend and it scares me but yet it was the best thing I got for christmas… a relationship that I feel can really grow upon me and maybe just maybe it will be good this time…so far it has and every day im dazed. 1/3/12 it is technically the third since its 1:30am and there is no way in hell i am sleeping.... but i did learn something tonight i am going to see my best friend alex i miss her terribly and i feel like its what i need to do......also i havnt talked much about whats going on in my life other than ryan.. m family is my family and well you know how families are... but ryans best friend becky i feel like I'm looking in a mirror and i really want to get to know her better because i feel like me and her have a lot in common or maybe we don't and i just want her to like me since I'm ryans girlfriend I'm not sure what it is about ben and becky but i love them already.... if only my boyfriend would understand that or idk.. I'm kinda upset with him at the moment so i am rambling on and on so I'm gonna just go. 1/1/12 Happy New Year... i had the most incredible weekend with Ryan new years couldn't of gone better and this whole weekend its self has just showed me how my life is perfect just the way it is and i am so excited and happy to start this new year because i have a feeling its gonna be a good one! 12/28/11 had the most amazing best day ever with Ryan we went and spent time with his friends and I'm really glad we got to do that together. Ryan makes me so happy and i am so blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend like him. I don't know what i do without him. 12/25/11 MERRY CHRISTMAS its 12:00 and for the first time i actually had a great christmas eve party with my dad's side of the family i taught everyone how to play kings cup and we had a blast drinking...the whole night went perfect until ryan made me really upset.... i always consider him when it comes to hanging out with my friends but i have not once hung out with his friends I'm not going to ask too do that because that is rude and i rather be invited and i could of went with him tonight but he didn't consider even asking me and it truly does hurt because i care about him so much that i want my friends to meet him and see what a wonderful guy i have in my life but it makes me wonder if he even cares to have me hang around with his friends i don't know if thats selfish of me to want but it truly does make me sad and i don't know how i should handle this.....dazed. merry christmas everyone 12/24/11 Christmas Eve... last night i had a very amazing night with Ryan and my best friend Taylor i can not believe it is christmas already time has flown by so quickly i am just so ready to start the new year and begin a even better chapter of my life. 12/20/11 its 12:40am and I've had the best night of my life with ryan he spent all night with me till my dick of a dad made him leave seriously I'm in college I'm not gonna make the same stupid mistakes you did as a kid i can't wait till i have kids of my own and i am able to let them do what my father thought was wrong for my age... after this christmas break you can damn be sure that i am not ever going to acknowledge him again and that is final.. 12/19/11 since my surgery I've had a ridiculous sleeping schedule i take naps all day and a little at night but for some reason I'm mainly awake at night and i feel so dazed 24/7 it really is crazy its 5:25 shouldn't i be asleep? isn't the sun coming up soon? who knows... 12/17/11 i got my bandages off today and my boobs look weird since their all swollen and what not however i can't wait till I'm fully healed and i can see the final product 12/16/11 got my boob job today and I'm sore as hell however one of my dear friends kalee and my boyfriend ryan took care of me all day and it truly means a lot to me to have such great people in my life. 12/15/11 finally home for christmas break yay great month ahead of me and I'm glad i get to spend it with my amazing boyfriend 12/8/11 one week till i come home from break and my life changes forever. doctor appointment today I'm so excited 12/7/11 i had the most amazing night with ryan tonight. we ate dinner and talked a lll night i was so happy and i still am i can't believe i am so lucky to have a guy like him he truly amazes me day after day 12/6/11 Only exactly 10 days till I am completely done with my first semester of college how exciting... 12/5/11 Im using this blog as a visual diary of my life so I will never forgot the amazing times and memories I create and cherish with my friends <3